


Better than Any Beefcake

by macwell



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M, Mac downloads Tinder, Some hints at their messiness but overall pretty fluffy I think?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 07:59:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11778786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macwell/pseuds/macwell
Summary: Mac brings a date home, and Dennis isn't super happy about it. Lucky for Dennis, Mac would rather make out with him anyway.





	Better than Any Beefcake

**Author's Note:**

> Set in S12 after Mac comes out but while they're still living with Dee.

Dennis supposed he could have scrolled through the list of names on his phone and found some girl to bang. But he wanted to sit on the couch, eat popcorn and watch movies with Mac. That was his intention for the night, anyway. Dee was gone for the weekend, on some getaway with a dude that she barely knew, which meant Mac and Dennis had the apartment to themselves. 

But when Dennis came home with a couple of DVDs, Mac barely looked at him. 

“Hey man, can you help me with my tie?” he yelled from Dee’s bedroom. (Also their bedroom.)

Dennis laid the movies on the coffee table and went to go help Mac. “You’re doing better with your cologne, you know. I can only smell it when I’m really close.”

“Thanks.” Mac smiled smugly. 

“But honestly dude? You’re a grown man. You should be able to tie your own tie.”

Mac rolled his eyes. “I can. You just do it better.” 

Dennis shrugged. He couldn’t argue with that. He did most things better than most people. He gave Mac’s outfit a once over - navy pants, white shirt, brown shoes. But the tie (a bright garish blue) would look all wrong. Dennis wordlessly opened the top drawer of the dresser and grabbed a navy one with tasteful stripes. “This is better,” he assured Mac, as he looped the fabric over itself, and tightened the knot against the base of Mac’s throat. Tight enough that it didn’t look sloppy but loose enough that no one would think Mac looked like a nerd. Dennis smoothed the fabric of the dress shirt against Mac’s shoulders, making sure there weren’t any weird creases. He took a step back to appraise his work and nodded. 

“Good?” Mac held his hands out. 

“Yeah buddy you’re good to go,” Dennis said. 

Mac smiled. He followed Dennis into the kitchen, and kept talking to him as Dennis prepared his popcorn. “He’s taking me somewhere fancy.” 

“Not fancier than Gugino’s, though.” Dennis squinted at him. 

“Yeah, there’s some new place… French food, I think?” 

Dennis scoffed. “You’ll hate it. French food is delicate and subtle.”

“What do you mean! I like things that are delicate and subtle.”

“Like hoagies and pizza.”

‘“Whatever. I can try new things.” 

Like this openly gay thing, Dennis thought. And Mac dating again. New for both of them. “Doesn’t mean you’ll like them,” Dennis muttered. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“What? Nothing.” 

The buzz of Mac’s phone distracted him. He leaned over the counter with his chin in his palm as he read his text messages. After he sent off his reply, he leaned back with this pleased look on his face. Like he’d just thought of something clever. 

Dennis wanted to know what it was, but then again, maybe he didn’t. 

“I’m gonna go downstairs - he’s picking me up.” 

“Okay,” Dennis hummed. 

“I’ll check in later.”

Don’t bother, Dennis started to say. But the door slammed behind Mac and just like that Dennis was doomed to spend the next couple of hours watching movies and eating popcorn alone. Like some kind of loser. Like Dee. Worse than Dee, even, because at least she wasn’t alone for the night. 

Dennis considered calling Charlie, but ultimately decided to stick it out. Charlie usually came with Frank and that would be a whole thing. Frank exhausted him. Mac would be home soon anyway. 

—

Dennis stirred several hours later, at the soft click of Mac’s key in the lock. He must have fallen asleep when he was watching Snakes on a Plane. There was popcorn on his shirt. The room was dark, lit up only by the TV. Dennis tilted his head slightly to get a better look at the entryway. He opened his mouth to call out for Mac, but he stopped himself as, through sleep-heavy eyes, he spotted two figures. 

A slightly taller man fiddled with Mac’s tie and whispered something in his ear. A ridiculously goofy smile spread across Mac’s face. He was lucky he had a good face for it. 

The other man pulled Mac in for a kiss. His hands danced all over Mac’s body, one thumbing along his jaw, touching the soft hair at the back of his neck, and the other pulling Mac’s hips closer. Dennis watched as the second hand drifted lower, to give Mac’s ass a squeeze. 

Dennis was annoyed. He shut his eyes.

Mac reacted to every touch with little moans, and Dennis couldn’t help but be reminded of the countless times that Mac had complained to him, using that exact whiny, throaty voice, about stupid little things like paying the electric bill on time. He wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Dennis heard a noise that was almost definitely Mac getting shoved against the wall, and the way he cried out, something like surprise followed by pleasure, was maddening. 

Dennis had had enough. He stood and stretched. 

Both men turn to look at him. Dennis did a quick scan of Mac’s date and decided he was your typical beefcake, aside from a couple of things - he had these nice blue eyes, and he was wearing a suit that actually fit really well. Like he had money. 

Mainly Dennis looked at Mac. His hair was messed up and his shirt had a few buttons undone. His lips were extra pink. It was not a bad look for him. 

“It’s not like you guys were being quiet,” Dennis offered. 

“What the fuck, dude.”

“I was sleeping!” 

“This is your…?” The guy had a German accent for Christ’s sake. 

“Roommate,” Mac says. “Dennis.”

“Nice to meet you Dennis,” the man said. He offered his hand and Dennis gave him the most unenthusiastic low-five of his life. 

“Hey man,” Mac said. “Would you mind if I…” He pointed at the bedroom. 

“What?!” 

“Would you mind if I fu-”

“No no no I know what you’re asking… On our bed?”

“It’s the only bed,” Mac said. Mac’s date looked visibly uncomfortable now. Good. 

“That was your decision,” Dennis reminded him. “You wanted to renovate the old apartment. You wanted to wait un-”

“Maybe I should leave?” the beefcake suggested.

“No!” Mac practically shouted. “No, Gregor.”

Dennis’s eyebrows shot up. Gregor? Seriously? “Do not interrupt me, Gregor.” 

“Just… wait here,” Mac said. He gave Dennis a meaningful look before walking into the bedroom. Dennis shoved past Gregor and tailed Mac. There was a slump to Dennis’s shoulders, a haughtiness to his step. He knew how this looked - knew that the other dude was probably considering fleeing their apartment to avoid getting involved in anything complicated. He thought that he’d already won, because he always won with Mac. 

Mac spun around once he crossed the door frame. He pointed a finger at Dennis’s chest. “Dude,” he whisper-shouted. “I don’t know what you’re problem is with me being gay but-”

“Woah woah woah. That is not what this is about.”

Mac was relieved. “Really?”

“Yeah, no, it’s about you bailing on me.” 

“We didn’t even really have plan-”

“And it’s about you barging in making out with some dude, like I’m not even there.”

Mac’s face went blank. Working through all of this, what it meant. 

“And really, Mac? You wanted to fuck him on our bed? You could have at least given me a heads up about that one, so I could find somewhere else to be.”

Dennis watched with utter incredulity as Mac shrugged. “Didn’t think you’d care,” he said. 

“Well,” Dennis huffed. “I do, sometimes.”

Mac drew closer. “So. Where do you think I should take him to-”

“Oh my god dude! I don’t want to hear about it.” Dennis would help Mac steam his fancy shirt and make sure his tie was tied just right, but he would not help him decide where to fuck some dude. “Doesn’t he have his own apartment?”

“And a kid,” Mac sighed. 

“Oh.” Dennis glanced over his shoulder. “Anyway. He left.”

“He left?” Mac shoved past Dennis back into the living room. “Sonofabitch!”

Dennis clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry about that dude.” 

Mac actually looked sad for a moment. He took a frustrated breath and avoided Dennis’s gaze. “I guess it’s not your fault.” 

“It’s not,” Dennis reassured him. “I’m pretty sure he was just an asshole.” 

“Yeah?” Mac frowned, considering this possibility. “He was talking down to me a lot at dinner, like he’s more smart than I am.” 

“Yeah?” Dennis said. They went back into the living room and sat down on the couch together. 

“But I don’t know, he is a prime beefcake. And he paid for like, that entire dinner. Maybe I should call him?”

“No,” Dennis shook his head. “That guy? You can do much better than that guy.” 

Mac shrugged. Not about to go in on how he’s pretty sure that Gregor would be a quality lay, because Dennis wouldn’t understand anyway. “I still hope he’ll call me.”

Dennis remembered the sounds Mac made a few minutes ago. “He will,” Dennis said. “You should ignore him, though.” 

“I don’t see why you care so much.” 

“I’m your wingman, right?”

“Even though…?” Mac let himself be vulnerable for a moment. 

“Even though you’re gay? Yeah dude.” 

“Oh.” Mac laughed. “I thought you’d be too grossed out.”

“I mean, I will be grossed out if you date disgusting douche bags and let them bang you on my bed.”

“Well, I’d be banging them,” Mac corrected. “And it’s our bed.” 

“See, no, this is why you need me. Gregor was a top.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, so if you’re trying to top and he’s trying to top…”

“Shit, man.” 

“Yeah. It doesn’t work.” 

They stayed silent for a moment. Both thinking about gay sex. Then Dennis said, “You strike me as more of a vers anyway.” 

So they went over different types of gay dudes, which somehow led to Mac downloading Tinder. Dennis looked over his shoulder as he swiped, critiquing the physiques of various specimens, and mostly asserting that Mac could do better. Although not quite as choosy as Dennis, Mac did have a type: tall and jacked. “Oh come on,” Dennis said, after Mac swiped right on the third shirtless mirror pic in a row. “That guy?” 

“Did you see him?” 

“Did you see his face? No. Because all of his pictures are body shots. No variety; no effort.”

“Dennis, when a man has an excellent body, it’s in his best interest to put it out there.”

“I know, I know. But for me it’s always been about the lean muscle, you know? Not all that bulkiness.” Dennis reached for the hem of his shirt and tugged it over his head. “You see?” he asked Mac. 

Mac saw two tiny nipples and a surprising amount of chest hair. He nodded. 

“I mean this…” Dennis gestured at himself. “…is the ideal male form.”

Mac did not like to lie to Dennis, but he didn't like to hurt his feelings either. So he nodded again. Dennis’s pecs were pretty nice. And Dennis practically glowed with warmth whenever he felt safe and validated. His dimpled smile got Mac every time. Dennis wasn’t really his type physically, but then again maybe he was exactly his type. He definitely didn't _mind_ the chest hair. 

“Would you like me on Tinder?” Dennis asked. 

Was this a trap? “I don’t know,” Mac said honestly. It was the wrong thing to say. Dennis stood up. Mac backtracked. “I mean, I don’t know what the protocol is when you see a friend on there.” 

Dennis drifted back. He pulled his shirt back down. “No, you idiot. I mean if we were strangers, would you want to bone me on gay Tinder?” 

Mac’s instinct was to say Ew, no, gross. But Dennis had something in his eyes that compelled him to be honest instead.

“Bone you, I don't know. But, uh, I’d like you.” Mac felt sure of this now. Even if he didn’t know Dennis on such a personal level, there was something about his aura that was magnetic. Also, Mac knew this was the right answer.

“I bet.” Dennis leaned in close so he could talk quietly. “Because I’m hotter than any beefcake.” 

Mac thought there were a lot of beefcakes out there and it was hard to be sure. But he nodded anyway, and let himself be drawn in by the intensity of Dennis’s stare. Their faces were close. Dennis’s breath smelled like popcorn butter. His eyes were so blue. Dennis dropped his gaze, from Mac’s eyes to his lips. Mac felt himself freezing up, so fucking terrified of ruining the moment. But no one was barging in this time, and Dennis didn’t push him away. Mac’s eyes found Dennis’s lips. They always looked soft and welcoming. Probably because of Dennis’s expensive lip balm. 

Mac and Dennis both hesitated. It was too late to go back. If if they didn’t kiss, they definitely ALMOST kissed, and only pussies almost kiss. 

Then the gap closed. It felt so good to finally press their lips together. Mac’s strong arms looped their way around Dennis’s shoulders, and Dennis crowded into his space, so he was practically sitting on his lap. The weight of him was reassuring, somehow - Mac craned his neck up and kissed Dennis with an open mouth. Dennis’s fingers played at his jawline, guiding Mac so he had the right angle. Mac slid his hands along Dennis’s hips, squeezing at the area where he would have love handles if he packed on a little more mass.

Dennis shifted on Mac’s lap a little, letting his thighs press against Mac’s hipbones. Mac’s eyes opened, and his lips parted too, like he was trying to form sentences but he forgot how. Dennis did not want sentences. Dennis wanted those noises, the noises that Mac made for that piece of shit European guy. 

Mac watched some kind of calculation pass over Dennis’s face. He closed his eyes and tilted his lips up for another kiss, impatient and needy, and Dennis grabbed the back of his neck this time. Dennis’s nimble fingers tugged lightly at the hair there, not enough to hurt, but enough to send shocks of pleasure rolling through him. Mac moaned into the kiss, and Dennis pressed closer, tugged harder. 

The whole thing was a little messy, a little desperate, but they were both struck by the fluidity of it. When they finally pulled away, breathe coming out in fast huffs, Mac and Dennis looked at each other. Mac wanted to talk, and he had this look of absolute adoration on his face, like he was floating. But Dennis looked like he had entered some kind of fugue state. Dennis shook his head, and got up to grab some beers. 

“We can’t just not- Dennis!” There he was, whining again. Ridiculous. 

“We’ll talk later,” Dennis said, with some finality. He hated the way that Mac’s face fell. But it also kind of frustrated him how pathetic Mac could be. He sat back down on the couch and handed Mac a beer. Mac fucking chugged it. 

“It’s late,” Mac said, getting up and crushing the can in his hand. Without much thought, Dennis let one of his hands reach after Mac, silently begging him not to leave him alone on the damn couch again. He let it drop when Mac turned around to stare at him. Mac had his arms folded across his chest. 

“Pick a movie?” Dennis said. Half command, half invitation. 

“Okay,” Mac shrugged. He didn’t really want to leave anyway. He chose Thundergun Express for it’s excellent dong shot, and popped it in their DVD player. Dennis had moved over to the the far side of the couch, so he had an end table to rest his drink on. Mac sat down next to Dennis, so close to him that their thighs were touching. He was tired and a little tipsy on wine, beer, and kissing his best friend, so he slumped bonelessly against the lumpy couch cushions. 

—

So instead of discussing what just happened, they turn on one of their favorite movies. And they cuddle, just a little bit, Mac’s head tucked against Dennis’s shoulder and later, just before he falls asleep, resting on Dennis’s thigh. If Dennis strokes Mac’s hair throughout the movie, and Mac loves the feel of Dennis’s fingers against his scalp, no one else needs to know. 

Dennis studies Mac’s face while it’s innocent and sleep-sweet. Dennis wonders if his tender feelings toward Mac are a symptom of something wrong with him - some broken part of him that craves organization and validation and needs to be the most valued person, in every way possible. He wonders if he wants to kiss Mac again because he’s still jealous of the stranger that grabbed his ass - if this is some twisted plot he came up with subconsciously, to get all of Mac’s attention. 

But no. This feels right. Good. Mac’s hair between his fingers, the soft glow in Dennis’s chest, the movie credits casting a shallow, flickering light across the living room.

When Dennis wants to go to bed (he’s not going to sleep sitting up like some animal), he gently shakes Mac awake. Mac sits up and runs a hand through his hair. “So,” he starts. “I didn’t imagine that did I?”

“No, idiot,” Dennis says.

“So, just to be clear, this isn’t like that time, when we were drunk, and-”

“No,” Dennis cuts him off, impatiently. He heads for their bedroom, and Mac follows him. Dennis takes off his jeans and replaces them with a pair of sweatpants. They were lucky - Dee was still gone and Old Man was nowhere to be found.

“So,” Mac says, a smile spreading slowly across his face. Dennis turns to look at him. 

“So?” Dennis echoes. 

“Let’s do that again.” 

Dennis is already leaning in.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first actual fanfiction I've posted since some stuff on fanfiction.net back when I was like 11, so you could say I'm a little out of practice. Any feedback would be appreciated! <3


End file.
